When we talk of an affair, we automatically assume it is physical in nature. However, there are various types of affairs. They could be romantic in nature where there is physical and emotional contact, it could be purely emotional where there is no physical contact and even “cyber” affairs, with the people involved having never even met in person.
Your definition of an affair might vastly differ to another person’s, but in all cases if there is a betrayal of trust it can cause heartache, pain and the break-up of marriages and relationships.
What Causes People to Have an Affair?
The list of reasons why people have affairs is long and varied, and there may be more than one reason. So, when looking at the why’s, it is so important to consider the question in its in entirety. Often there may be frustration in a relationship, and this could stem from work stress, financial pressures, feeling underappreciated in the home or family environment – or indeed the affair could be a form of escapism.
There could be an emotional void that the person is trying to fill, and this may not even be related to the marriage or relationship but may stem from childhood experiences. In many cases the affair could also be a cry for help as a way to force the couple to not only face, but also deal with issues present in their relationship. Regardless of the underlying reason, an affair can cause a devastating effect for both parties.
What are the Signs Your Partner is Having an Affair?
- Changes in attitude and behaviour
- Suddenly being unreachable or unavailable
- Secretive or lying behaviour
- Changes in your sex life
- Avoidance behaviour
- Changes in work patterns and hours
- Control issues
It is however important to remember that the partner having the affair could exhibit some, all or none of the signs, and that the signs could also be indicative of other issues related to personal work where there is no affair going on. Always listen to your gut feeling as well if you sense something is not quite right with your partner.
How to Approach your Partner if you Think They Are Having an Affair…
The first thing to do is to take a step back and give yourself time to process your own thoughts and feelings. Allow yourself time to come into a space of calm and balance. Identify your feelings and work through them. Then talk to your partner and express your concerns, your thoughts and your feelings. If you come from a calm and rational place and avoid accusations and anger, your partner will be less likely to become defensive and angry. By coming from a place of neutrality you hold onto your integrity and self-esteem. Ask him or her to be honest with you and try to listen in a non-judgemental way.
As you are talking to them, recognise any reactions and body language. He or she may initially get angry or deny it, but if they look down at the floor, or tries to be overpowering or controlling, this is a common sign they have been caught out. They may show pure remorse and guilt and openly admit it. At all times, try not to react with anger or blame and encourage them to be honest.
There is hope for couples to work things through after an affair, and sometimes there isn’t. Each affair, as is every relationship, is different, and what may work for some people may not work for others. Find what works for you, and what you as an individual need to move on. Something brought the two of you together, and together you can decide if that special connection is still there and if it is worth trying to save. Alternatively, one or both of you may agree to part and move on.
About the Author :- Tammy is an experienced writer in relationships, divorce and self-empowerment. She lives in South Africa, working primarily as an international Clairvoyant Psychic, Intuitive Counsellor and Animal Communicator.